Sexomnia
by Mevv
Summary: Sexomnia…Also known as sex sleep! Even a minor episode can be caused by stress and lack of sleep. It's not so safe to say that Hermione Granger is suffering from both!


**Sexomnia**

**A/N: An Idea I got whilst watching Desperate Housewives, so enjoy :) **

Sexomnia…Also known as sex sleep! Even a minor episode can be caused by stress and lack of sleep. It's not so safe to say that Hermione Granger is suffering from both!

Hermione Granger could not believe what she was hearing. Especially during this important time, when her mind should only be focused on one thing. And that was to come top in her final year at Hogwarts.

Yep! The time had come for all final year students to take their NEWT's. But now, Hermione felt she was far from ready.

You see, three days before her first exam, her boyfriend, soon to be her ex-without her having any idea of his plan-boyfriend, broke up with her.

Did that man have any sense of timing? And do you know what he said to her? Right before he broke up with her? She was giving him stress! Her! As in she, Hermione Granger! The whole notion was a pile of Buckbeaks crap!

He had wandered off to continue his game of chess. And now it was her who was stressing! As you might know, Hermione isn't the type of person to just sit there and take accusations. She thinks. She analyses. And she gets to the bottom of things. Though she would have preferred a better date.

So it was easy to say that Hermione was stressed. A thousand things were running a marathon in her head.

_The physical properties…What an idiot, I give him stress! I would just…The blood from a unicorn has healing…Love to give him a kick in his…The moons surrounding Jupiter clash with…I wonder if I can hire someone…_

And that's pretty much how the rest of the day continued. Hermione had locked herself in the Heads quarters, her books scattered everywhere. And I mean everywhere! Much to the annoyance of her fellow Head.

At midday, he entered the common room only to trip over a tome, the size of Japan, and fall, head first into the back of the sofa that was currently occupied by Hermione.

"What the…! Granger, what hell have you done? Have you completely lost your mind you hazardous…Argh!" Draco screamed and fell back. Hermione had just turned to look at him.

"Who are you and what have you done with Granger?" He eyed the person sitting on the sofa, her hair enormously frizzy, her eyes bloodshot and dark. It was a sore sight. He could even see red marks on her pale face. Merlin, she was even paler than him.

"Do I give people stress?" She asked ignoring his remark and the horrified look on his face.

"What kind of question is that? Granger, for the love of God and for everyone's sanity, especially mine, please would you go and do something about your face!"

"Answer me ferret!" Hermione growled.

"Are you on drugs? Oh Lord, you've been sniffing that glue thing again haven't you? Damn! I thought I'd hidden that away!"

"Malfoy! Would you answer me? Do I give people stress?"

"You're giving me stress right now! And a bloody headache!"

Hermione began to sob. Something Draco thought Hermione wasn't capable. She was always so composed. He wasn't expecting it at all. And because he wasn't expecting it, Draco wasn't sure how to approach the situation.

"Er, I was only joking Granger! Don't cry. Please?" Hermione cried even more.

Draco jumped over the books until he got to the other side of the sofa. He sat at arms length, not sure what he was supposed to do next.

"He broke up with me! That oaf! And his pathetic excuse was I gave him stress. I could kill him, I swear I could murder him in his sleep!"

_Ah, so this explains everything. A break-up! I could cope with that…well!_

"Urgh! How could he do this to me! Doesn't he realise that he's given ME stress!"

_Huh?_

"I mean, he knows that this is an important time for me and that I have full attention on them. But no, he just wants to throw me off balance, to ruin my life completely."

_Are you confused like me?_

"If I fail these NEWT's, I will hang him from his balls! And that's a promise!"

Draco couldn't help it, but he laughed. He would have even fell off the sofa if there wasn't dangerous books scattered on the floor, waiting to bite him and shred him like paper.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Granger you need to relax! And go take a bath!"

A bath did not help her. Nor did relaxing. Two days had gone by and Hermione's situation had gone from bad to worse. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't' eat. SHE COULDN'T RELAX!

She spent most of her time either in the library or in her room. No one had seen her, not even her roommate.

She couldn't fail, she had to prove to everyone. She had to come out top.

Hermione left the library late that night tired and exhausted. She waned to get in bed and sleep. But she afraid. Afraid of the nightmares she kept having.

Her walking into the great hall and everyone pointing fingers at her and laughing. Ron jumping up and down screaming! "My plan worked! Hah! Now you know how we feel bookworm!"

Her parents' head hanging in shame. Her teachers disappointed in her.

Hermione sighed and continued her way back to her dorm. She didn't know why it was such a pain. She knew she would be fine. She didn't need to prove anything to anyone but still she felt the need to do so. Was she just reminding people? Making sure they never forget. Merlin, did she really stress people out?

She entered the heads quarter and purposely ignored the scattered books, vowing to tackle them in the morning. Right now, she needed a bed and a note.

Eh? A note? _Oh there's a note on my bed. _She picked it up cautiously and began to read.

_Granger,_

_I'm not sure if you're alive or dead, but I just wanted to answer your question. I'm guessing it's been on your mind for a while which is why neither I or the fools you call friends have seen you. And if I'm honest, I'm getting rather pissed at you leaving your crap everywhere. I have an enormous bruise on my forehead which isn't good for my reputation. _

_Anyway, no you don't stress people out. Shall I repeat that again? NO stress to anyone! Did you get that? The only person you stress out is yourself. _

_You shouldn't worry Granger, it's not good for your hair or for my head. You'll be brilliant, like you always are._

_Now go to sleep, Halloween was over months ago!_

_D.M_

_P.S. Good luck._

Hermione wasn't sure what to make of that letter but she did go to bed, with a small smile on her face.

That night Hermione turned and twisted in her sleep, nightmares plaguing her mind. Across the room, Draco was sleeping in the most comfortable sleep in ages. Before nodding off, he'd whispered to himself, nothing can ruin this night. If only he'd touched wood.

Sleepwalking was something Hermione had done many times. Not that she was aware of any of her doings. If you ask her previous roommates, you would find out that Hermione does weird things when she sleepwalks. One time, Hagrid had found her in the middle of the night, feeding his pet.

Ginny had witnessed Hermione putting cream, left over from last nights treat, in her hair. Lavender once caught Hermione making out with the wooden pole on her bed, but was too afraid of what Hermione might do to her if she found out she's told everyone. So she'd kept it to herself.

Draco however, hadn't witnessed anything of the sort. Tonight was his lucky night.

Hermione unknowingly pushed the bed covers off of her and climbed out. She left her bedroom and let her feet guide her. She opened a door and entered the dark room.

Her feet wandered across the room until it hit something wooden. Kneeling down she sat on the surface. After sometime, she lay down, as if going back to sleep.

Draco thought he'd heard something. Something strange. Adjusting his eyes to the dark, he saw nothing. He must have been imagining it.

_Go back to sleep Draco._

_Okay that wasn't my imagination! There's someone on the bed! _Draco silently gasped. _Don't look, don't look! Oh no, I've left my Armani shoes out! Shit! Damn you Draco for not wearing old things!_

He silently made a grab for his wand and in the process, knocked it to the ground. Now, it was just him and the intruder.

Draco closed his eyes to give the intruder the notion that he was asleep and waited for the right moment to attack.

The intruder shuffled and pulled the blanket over themselves.

_Eh! What's going on here?_

Suddenly, the intruder rolled over, onto Draco and straddled him. Draco's eyes went wide at the sight in front if him. He froze. The intruder began touching him and bending down, its lips began wandering down Draco's neck and bare chest.

_Of crap! I'm being raped…By a man! NOOOO! _

Draco squirmed and began to push the person off of him but they were too strong, as if they'd glued themselves.

The intruders hands were now in his hair and their lips on his. Draco felt a strong urge to engulf the intruder all of a sudden. The kiss began to get more and more desperate on the intruders behalf and Draco just couldn't pull away.

He heard the intruder moan in his mouth. _Hold on a minute…that doesn't belong to a man…_

"What the…Granger get the fuck off of me!"

But she didn't hear him. She continued her groping and her moaning and Draco shrieked. He gave a hard push and she feel off the bed with a loud thud. He quickly made a grab for his wand and switched the lights on.

He couldn't believe it. Hermione Granger was sitting there, in her underwear, asleep. He tried waking her up but she was completely zonked out.

Unsure of what to do, he picked her up cautiously and dropped her on the bed.

She still didn't move. Draco was baffled. But too tired to reflect on it any further, he went and crashed on her bed. Remembering to lock the behind him, he fell asleep, not looking forward to morning.

The next morning, Draco awoke with a feeling of dread. How was he supposed to face the person who nearly raped him. The person who nearly stripped him of his dignity.

_Stop being so melodramatic! You've never had any dignity. _Draco shocked himself with this revelation.

He got up, ready to face Hermione. As he waked out of her bedroom he heard a loud thud and a squeal, coming from the direction of his bedroom. Opening the door, he controlled his expressions as he watched a horrified Hermione stare around the room.

Her eyes fell on him and her eyes widened. "What am I doing here? What did you do?"

"Me? I didn't do anything! It's what you did."

"Did you get me drunk? Is that how I ended up in your…Oh my! Please tell me nothing happened?"

"Oh something did happen," Draco said, glaring at Hermione. She didn't notice the glare.

"Oh Merlin. I knew it. Oh dear God! I knew it!"

"For Merlin's sake Granger! Stop ranting, it's not as bad as you…"

"This is all your fault!"

Draco couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was all her doing, why couldn't she remember anything?

"Why can't I remember anything?"

_Oh! Well this is weird!_

"How would I know Granger."

She looked at him, confused and then began to glare at him.

"This is your fault," She continued her ranting. "You did something. Oh I get it, is this payback for all those bruises I gave you? I thought you'd changed. I thought you were a different person, but a person like you can never change! You're a disgusting!"

"Granger shut your mouth."

"Why? Does the truth hurt, you disgusting pig?"

"Granger, don't talk about the truth until you know it yourself!" and with that, he walked away.

"Oi, don't walk away from me! OI!"

Draco stopped in his tracks, but didn't look back.

"Tell me the truth."

"Since you know everything, I'm sure you'll find it out in no time." he turned and smirked at her making Hermione even more angry.

She marched up to him, until there was little place between them.

"Malfoy, I'm warning you. Tel me now."

He moved a little closer, "Well…Nope!"

"Argh!" Hermione let out a frustrated shriek.

"Fine, I'm going to Dumbledore and tell him that you messed with my head."

"Do whatever you want. Actually, I'll come with you, this is going to be a spectacular showdown," he smirked and followed Hermione out.

"Come in."

Hermione opened the door, and walked in confidently.

"Miss Granger, Mr Malfoy, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Professor, we have a problem." Hermione said, throwing daggers at Draco.

"Sit down and tell me. How can I help you with your problem?"

"Professor…" Hermione tried to speak but no words were coming out.

_Ha! Not so smart are we? Silly Gryffindor!_

Professor Dumbledore sat there amused as he watched his two top students with opposite expressions on their faces. He was dying to hear the reason for their presence in his lonely office.

"Well Miss Granger, what seems to be the problem?"

Hermione still couldn't speak. So Draco decided to do it in her behalf.

"Granger here, thinks I got her drunk and did the naughty with her."

"Elaborate on naughty?"

"Malfoy! You git!"

"She thinks I raped her!"

"Excuse me?"

"Malfoy! For Merlin's sake!"

"What it's true. That's what you were accusing me of this morning."

"Miss Granger, that is some serious accusation. Are you certain? What proof do you have?"

Hermione looked blank. She didn't have proof. Nothing at all.

"I…Well…I…Oh I have no proof."

"Miss Granger, tell me everything you know."

Hermione looked at Draco and he raised his eyebrows and smirked. She swallowed, her mouth dry.

"I don't know. I woke up this morning in Malfoy's bedroom and I just didn't remember going there on my own."

"Right, Miss Granger if you could follow me."

"Wait professor, I think you should hear my side before you do anything." Dumbledore didn't say anything so Draco began.

"It was in the middle of the night and I was sleeping when Granger came into my room. At first she just lay on bed but then…" Draco continued his horrifying view.

"No, I would never do that."

"Granger trust me, I never knew you would do that either."

"Right, we need backup. Follow me," Dumbledore said.

"Okay, so Miss Granger you go with Poppy and Mr Malfoy, off you go with Severus."

And so, they did just that.

After a few tests and a few talks everything became clear. Hermione was distraught. She couldn't believe it. She didn't. The only thing she believed was that it was all Malfoy's fault. And she was gunna kill him.

He hadn't come back yet and Hermione was drained. Sod it, bed it was. Her comfy, comfy bed.

Hermione's eyes were closing and in a few moments she would drift off to a peaceful sleep, where no one, not even Malfoy could bother her.

Oh but how wrong she was. It was then that she felt a heavy weight on her bed. The lights were out and there was no moon to aid her.

_Oh crap! This is turning into a day from hell._

There was someone there. They were touching her. Hermione's breath was knocked out of her. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't move. She was petrified.

Someone was on top of her, touching her, their warm breath all over her. They were coming closer and closer.

"Comfy Granger?"

Then it registered. "Malfoy! You bloody git. You scared the shit out if me you arsehole!"

The lights came on and Draco fell off the bed, laughing so hard his sides ached. "Oh god, that was hilarious! If only I could have seen your face. Priceless!"

Hermione was breathing hard, on the verge of tears.

"Merlin, you took ages coming to bed. I've been here for hours."

"You mean…I've been waiting downstairs for you. Your prick!"

"Why? So you can continue what you left last night?"

"You're a pig Malfoy."

Hermione jumped out of bed and began beating him. Throwing punches and kicking him wherever she could.

"Granger stop."

"I cannot believe you, you annoying prick. I swear, if I had more energy I would murder you."

Draco grabbed hold of her legs and pulled her down. She was now under him.

"How about you just kiss me instead?"

**A/N: This took a lot of effort and time so please let me know what you think. **


End file.
